Early on in my ministry, I worked with a man that was a thorn in my side. He was negative, and even his encouragement had a negative tone. He admitted his fondness for the verse in Hebrews 10:24 – “Spur one another toward love and good deeds,” especially that word “spur.” He loved to give people a good prodding. He might even tell you that prodding was his spiritual gift.
I have to admit that for many years I hated working with this man. I tried to love him, but I was afraid of him. I was afraid that we couldn’t have a conversation without him delivering another blow. My answer was to withdraw, to avoid him altogether. The Lord revealed to me at the Wild at Heart Boot Camp that avoidance is my coping mechanism to people who wound me. Instead of confronting them, I internalize the pain, let it eat me up, and withdraw.
I’ve shared with you some of my experiences discovering my own wounds, but something transformed within me that I never anticipated. I began to see the wounds in others.
I know a woman, who sadly, will probably not be with us much longer. She is terminally ill. She is also one of the meanest and most negative people I know. I hate to say this, but I’m not sure many will miss her when she is gone. Something transformed inside of me during my trip to Colorado. Instead of seeing this woman as a negative and mean woman, I see a mask that she puts on to hide some deep-seeded wounds. She is hurt – hurt by her physical wounds, the emotional wounds others have delivered to her, from a parent, from an unsupportive husband, from her own children, from her own experiences, etc.
The “Christian prodder” I mentioned earlier is no different. In fact, I remember him revealing some of the anger that his father passed down. I also know the “prodder’s” son, who serves in ministry. I’ve always thought him to be controlling and manipulative. Today I’m realizing that those are his coping mechanisms for the wounds in his life, many I’m sure were delivered by the “prodding” of his father.
You can see the pattern, can’t you? Satan has rigged the game and blinded us to his tactics. How do we deal with that “jerk” who wounded us? We wound him right back by calling him a jerk (even if it’s just in our heads). That’s us coping. That’s us not letting him get the best of us. One is wounded by another, and the pattern goes on and on. It’s like a scene right out of Hunger Games. The only way to survive is to kill the others. We convince ourselves, “This is the way we are to treat others. This is normal. The wounding I faced helped me to be a stronger man.” No, they helped you become a more jaded man. They taught you that you must do as the world does – put on more fig leaves and hide deeper in the jungles of Eden.
“Adam! Eve!” God calls. “Where are you?” Is it any wonder why people turn to self-medication instead of Jesus? Overwhelmed by shame and coping mechanisms, we have built a false self, a false personality. The thought of exposure makes us run the other way. We have invested time, money, everything into sewing together an elaborate costume of fig leaves. Be vulnerable? No way! It’s easier just to continue dishing out the blows.
When is this vicious pattern going to break? The answer is when we see our wounds, bring them to Jesus, and help others bring their wounds to Jesus as well. Through Jesus’ healing in my own life, I am starting to discover what it means to love my enemy. It doesn’t mean that I have to roll over and take abuse; it means I look deep beyond the surface and see the wounds they are trying to hide. Suddenly my anger for what people have done to me melts into pity, a desire for them to find healing in the Lord.
Here’s what I’d like you to pray today. First, ask God, like we did last week, to show you the wounds in your own life. Don’t be surprised if He reveals more to you. Allow these scenes and faces to come to mind. Ask God for healing. Then ask God to show you the wounds in others’ lives as well. If you’re like me, your perspective is about to change.